Live And Love

'Till you choose weed over me, you're so lame'                   It does rings a bell. Everytime the feeling is back, the more I'll look like I'm doing great. This way it will be all forgotten soon enough (:

Anyway there's Java ut tmr again! This time round I'm so dead. Not as hardworking as the first time round. So dead la! I'm like as cool as a cucumber please, still can be ranting away here when I'm like supposed to look thru the 6p. I think I fuck care alr. haha Probably will do some read up tmr :(

Anyway, coincidentally the topic of first impression came up today and 2 people said that I looked rather arrogant, proud, unfriendly, and the list goes on knowing me for the first time. I was like FUCK! Seriously omg! but half the time I'm smiling away la, tsk tsk. Why huhh? Damn it! haha but Sathya's so sweet, she say knowing me alr, is like the total opposite hahaha. Ya la see that's why people shouldnt judge a book by its cover okay (:

Talkng abt that, this classmate of mine, Yuikting is so sweet haha, she helps me in almost everything related to my comp haha anything to do with IT she'll just stare at me, give me the stupid face than help me. hahaha And she said I'm like the closest so far among her friends haha. But she's damn nice la. Right? I know you'd surely read this. yeah! You rock la. hahaha

Okay and RP's IT helpdesk (in case if you're wondering, its my school's comp repair place) really suck alot! I swear their service is like fuck! To repair a certain comp, It took me 5days just to settle everything. I kept going back there and I bet they totally remembers me now. I'd rather die than to go back there ever again. Swear! So bad bad day these few days in school, sharing of comp, no msn and just damn bored in class. I feel like such a loser please haha.

Okayy, tmr I've got plans. But I don't feel like doing anything, anyone got a better plan tell me okay? hahaha Nvm. I shall just stick to my plan Ahhhh! Shall head to do some reading for now and off to bed! tmr's gonna be another bitchy day. hahaha Nights everyone

and whoa for the first time in my entire life, no one is talking to me on msn! and I'm lazy to initiate a conversation. See I've no friends. haha :(

And suddenly the thought of marriage scares me, the thought of just settling down with someone is just fucking scary. More than just afraid, it gives me an image of unimaginable things going on and happiness is overated. yea I guess at the end of the day, nothing's happy when God isn't here.

"What hurts the most, was being so close"

Late nights! totally bad for health, eyebags are like the worst thing ever on your face, I gotta slp early man but I cant :(

Today, database's a bitch, well guess its not only that. Basically IT is one of the most toturous and cruel module ever :( My life's cursed. haha But thanks to yuikting, she made me able to present. She's the best la. Thanks girl (: (Although she kept taking advantage of me today by hitting & slapping my back at least 20-30 times cos I was wearing a halter. What a bitch huh?)

Having a thought of skipping school tmr, I'll wait and see. Alrights, I'll try to sleep. Nights people (:

I'm probably at one of my lowest, I never knew I'll actually be that hurt and cry that much. But on a comforting note, we know what's best for us. But, I know I'll def need time to adjust But like you said you'll always be in my heart, definitely. Takecare and I love you.

Sometimes I wished I was still a small kid they seem so carefree without any worries in the world, except for when can they sleep and eat, dirnk milk and when to change pampers! haha, cool la.

5 months has passed just like that, 2009 would soon be here and woww It's alr May. Been such a long time since I rant here. Looking thru my past posts, where I remembered the happy and not so pleasant moments, I suddenly had the urge to blog again, who knows when I'll stop again haha.

Anyway, school really sucks alot, cept for W67R & friends everything else abt school just makes me dread it sooooo much, till the extent that I often wished someone would just KILL ME! and everything would be over. But nah, that thought is rather stupid life do have its pleasant moments. YET its so ironic. Half the time its fucked up. Talking abt life, it brings me to the title of this post.

Just had a meet up session with the girls yst, ali & sathya. Talked alot, till we had to change places cos Sathya butt was numbed! haha and we just kept screaming & shouting at each other to get our point across but of cos we were laughing non-stop as well. And best of all they were such GREAT friends, I fell off my chair and all they did was laugh at me. haha friends sometimes really rock! Anw, I really thank God for such people to talk to (:

Anyway, on a serious note, some issues abt life made me think that it is really the decisions and the things you do in life that determines how your life is. This is one important lesson I've learnt.

Oh well, anyway in school now and financial & accounting really SUCK! the faci is crap too. Classmates suspect he's gay, which I said a little too loudly in class today. So if I really get a C or D grade I know the truth. haha

And I feel like running awayyy, who wanna run away with me? S'pore is giving me too much stress la! okayy time to do work :(

I wished you'd care and that I do matter cos you definitely mean something.

It happens, as always or maybe it does so only to me. Someone down to earth, makes you laugh half the time, though not so gentlemanly doesnt act according to how the image in your head perceives it to be. On the other hand, someone so gentlemanly, pays for everything and treats you so nice but you just want to runawayy. wtf? Its so unfair okayy.

Caught The Eye with nick just now, a waste money show indeed, same storyline exactly the same as the chinese one. Stupid show, so watch it only if you feel rich.

Damn, 4 more days of toture. 715am and the alarm goes. God, I need a life man.

haha my day is coming but 2008 makes it seem like its one of my most anticipated NOT day? I don't know why, it probably feels like "yea another year older and no big deal kinda thing" Maybe as you grow older without any plans or whatsoever it becomes like that. I think I should just f.off and die. Ha okayy im ranting nonsence. Whatever!

time to sleep, and I think this is one of my least emotions post. Goodbye.

jac(:

"What's yours never become yours, what's not your idea of yours wants to become yours"

Pardon me for being in my own little world sometimes, well that's what your own blogs are for right? people not knowing your idea of something. Well, if you've figured that out maybe you know what I'm thinking (:

Like the picture there, sometimes when you just feel like shit, when everything isn't going the way you want, when you feel like God has alr given up on you and you're just merely taking life one step at a time, most of the time you just feel alone, you just wanna run awayy from all that and be all carefree. SOMETIMES! HA, who doesnt feel that way please tell me how you managed to do that? Okayy this is so random (: But yea I'm definitely feeling better than yst. No wonder ppl say 'tomorrow will be a better day'. It did worked for me this time round i guessed (:

On a lighter note, I came back home in a happier mood compared to yst and I screamed and shake my ass infront of my parents. LOL God knows why i did that? haha and as usual my mum told my dad and went "LOOK AT HER LUH, LOOK" and looking at me "EH you okay anot huh? MAD Aaah?" LOL. Yea, I admit i'm off sometimes. haha tt's maybe my way to lighten things up. Act stupid! haha

Got a shocked just now, but okayy alr luh, I heard a screeching sound at my room door and like some banging. It sounded like the usuals where my dog would normally do that. So i got irritated and went to take a look BUT NO! nothing! my dog was still in the balcony COVERED UP! and i swear it wasn't the wind cos I know how the wind would sound like luh. Maybe.. Hmmm nvm its over anyway (:

Anyway, so i've officially found another job working with MUMMY! Gosh! at home, i see mum now work also? I must be seeing things? AM I? LOL yea got a job at her office 7/hr just gotta handle some admin stuff. YAY! i have mummy to protect me. Nevertheless, still gotta thank her, though I'll constantly hear her naggings running thru my head. HAHA wanted the pub? But thanks luh, replied me 2 days later when I've alr found this. SO, i've came to a conclusion, most prob quitting dance SIGH :/

So headed to WWW with alicia today, had fun though kinda boringgg nothing much (: played for abt less than 2hrs LOL. so tmrrrr yay CHALET! takecare people CYA!

Psst; I think i've got the "BEST" brother in the whole world, if you know what I mean. Then again maybe most sisters outtt there are in the same plight as me or maybe even worse. Just got to say 'THANK GOD for brothers like that' whooohooo!

jac (:

HELLO (:

Feeling weird abt everything, it isn't emoing. Probably the once in a blue moon syndrome; the depressed kind. Ha! maybe I'm thinking too much. yea, im sure everyone got it before just that the level of depression and emoing is different. Arrgh Fuck luh, maybe I'm overtensed today luh, not the mummy thing (for those that know) Just purely feeling kinda screwed. NVM maybe wrong usage of word. yah, just crap luh the feeling. Maybe tt's why thinking makes you depressed and you'll end up in an asylum ha.

But something for sure I'm not over thinking is that, sometimes, some people only find you when they need you and makes everything just worse. Fuck luh. What's the point?

Anyway I sooo can't stand people who says hi to you and then the next minute they're gone acting like you're the one who wants/needs to talk to them and miss them alot. TSK maybe i'm overeacting, finding fault with whatever I cann.

Anyway today kinda made a wasted trip down to redhill for the interview, which isn't the kind of job i want, though high paying 8/h. They only operate on weekends. Which if I take on, I'll be bored from Mon to Fri. However, mummy's office finally called and say they need ppl. I'll most prob be taking on the job for a month. But then i'll have trouble going for dance, shit luh. Feeling so vexed. #%@%@%@%@ Damn it!

okayy I think this is enuf of over ranting, Think i'll head to bed and end my miserable nite. ha! okayy goodnites (:

jac (:

HELLO (:

haven't been blogging cos of never ending work the last week.

The good news that made me soooo happy is cos I've quit my job at palm BITCH restaurant alr (: heh. But I didnt have the guts to call so asked mummy for help. I got her to say I've been reaching home at 12am (as though I go out I reach home earlier than that LOL) and she worries hahahaha and also I'm always so tired when I get home. HEH. whooo I feel so freee please? SO anyways, this means I don't have to hear anymore of those Chinah's talk please? disgusting luh! headache lehs and that bloody manager arrgh nvm (: yay! I've money coming in (:

So, tmr I'm gg for an interview at redhill damn farr luh :( and this time the pay's 8/hr haha some sales personnel thing hopefully I get it. and they only require 16hrs/wk luh cool mann. But i'm also waiting for the pub to call me (:

anyway so sat was funn funn funn (: went for the dance event at zouk and thereafter night life haha. The dance was awesome luh (: gambled a little like from 6am till 10am and continued on and my luck was good luh, didnt lose any money for black jack except pokka. LOL but overall it was damn cool luh! Anyway saw some disgusting people at zouk yikes! okay luh damn bad :(

And so today i missed dance again Shit luh! supposed to wake up at 9 for dance at 11 but i didnt even hear my alarm and only woke up at 2 when dance end. cool huh? Zaini is soooo gonna kill me. Better be there on thu Sigh :( still dunno how to quit dance and join tennis luh. Shit man. HOW? aiyaaaa then again i don't bear to quit dance :(

So went out with aliciaaa just now, caught ps, i love you Great show (: touching luh. Most of the guys are sooo handsome luh. Gerard Butler is the sexxxxx mann (: whoo! heh. Hilary swank is hot too her bod is like #%@%%@ LOL. ate at blly bombers, ali has like this huge stack of coupons pls? HAHA and i bought a bag which i ought NOT to. I swear i cann like open a bag shop with vanda I so need to stop buying bags mann. Arrgh but shopping is like an addiction haha. (i'm sure all the girls would agree! LOL) then headed to bishan to change the bag and chilled for awhile.

Okkayyy, this week is packeddd for me mann. can't wait for thu & fri (: CHALET with the class whooo! happy mann. and wed wildwildwet with the girls (:

okayy, shall stop ranting here (: Goodnite loves!

jacx (:

HELLO (:

I'm still feeling kinda sick wondering is it from yst's drinking or I've slept too much, wayy too much. But thank God i'm alrite now, was dying this morning felt like I was just gonna die luh.

haha so I think tmr I'm gonna wake up earlier, much earlier maybe 10 or sooo and make myself useful. Like going to the gymmm then heading to granny's hse (: and thereafter working at 6. Talking abt working, I've really reallyyy got the urge to quit mann. If not for xy and zack coming I would have done so. Somemore next week than they would get their answers. What if they're not hired? waste my time onlyy. Plus i got 3other jobs to consider also. But by then I think all would be gone.

However, I'm taking up another fnb job cos the pay is higher! so arrghhh $%@%@@% really dunno what I should do mann :( HOWHOWHOW? i shouldnt have applied for so many jobs initially. ppl are searching for one job now and I've got like many to decide GOSH!

Anyway yst was love (: hahahaha Luckily I went sakura ahhhh! Almost didnt wanted to go cos it was freaking far, freaking ex and I soooo tot many people weren't going but when I reached there I was wrong; haha But however eating buffet is soooo waste money okkay? I can't eat one lehs! I don't wannna go buffet anymoreee... So aft eating we all sat outside there like some losers telling ghost stories haha and then I went to find the guys which we played some dice game and jus drank and drank END OF STORY! i don't wanna go drinking again mann! :( I don't get drunk I get sick instead haha cos I guess I seldom drink also luh.

Okkayyyy afew more days to class chalet whooo 9 more days to be exact! yay (: it would surely spell FUN FUN FUN. okay yea.

Okkayyyy I'm gonna head to sleep alr (: and these days I kinda lose interest in the internet alr haha I'm more into finishing my shows on my laptop. LOL goodbye everyone(:

count the blessings or mourn over failures?

jacx (:

HEY ALL (:

YEAH! daniel wee is backkkkk (: whooo!

daniel wee? are you happy that I'm happy that you are backk okayy that's lame! haha

anyway; today was a much fruitful day compared to yst lol.

yst i purely just watched movies on my laptop and just ate and ate GOD! i need to lose weight :/ and I'm emoing luh. there's pimples on my right side of my face if it spreads I'm gonna die! I just pray it would disappear okay? :( Wahhhhh damn emo lehs!

so went for dance prac then to vanda's house and thereafter to uncle kek's hse for visitation and headed to townnned all with vanda & jerome though it was a little late. NO! rather late. haha however i still managed to bought a top from topshop. Saw kerin her mum & mel too and it was sooo funny jer wanted to bainian at topshop! *want to give a good impression to ahem* hahahaha! and the mother went. SIAO! no luh! in chinese something like that luh haha. 

anyway it was rather fun at uncle kek's hse. haha we played the nintendo wii. But aft awhile it was kinda boring and I seriously wonder how those technology can keep the children happy and interested. Aft awhile I got bored of it and the the children were just having fun happily with the smiles on their face. OMG! and it costs a freaking 600bucks just for that tiny little game and remote. GOSH! I weren't even that privelleged when I was that age plssss? and talking abt that those overated psp. Goodness! its so expensive yet everyone is buying it.

Little chevonn is superduper cute please? (uncle kek's youngest daughter) and she kept on clinging onto meeee wanting me to carry her. LOL super cute luh. just pure adorableness heh.

okkayyy its like 140 am and tmr I'm serving waking up arnd 6plus and here I am still ranting awayy. I'm cool huh? and there is work tmr! DAMN! i'm so dead.

ALRITES! i think i better head to bed like NOW! oh yes freedom writer is nicceeeee and also NORBIT! for those who haven't watch it, you should (:

Why should people bother caring and acting like they care abt you day after day when they don't really mean anything, yet I've longed for that someone who is real enough to care let alone bother abt how I feel? To think abt it, indeed it's quite hard to find someone like that. More often than not, people you meet either walk by you or stay just for awhile.

jacx (:

Hello (:

I'm superduper bored luh, so I shall do some ranting here (:

just came back from work some time ago. Watching 'freedom writers' now. I think my holidays are like kind of aimless lehs. haha.

Anyway work was better today compared to Monday. There were more people. One thing I hate abt that place is they keep asking me to change everything. My skirt is too short, my shoes are not covered. Wtf, goodness, and i just bought them. I'm on the verge of quitting alr mann. And the bosses think they're super rich or something. It's like obviously overstaff luh.

Okayy, so tmr i'm not working, no double pay :( no plans at the moment. So ask me out whoever. haha

Like I predicted new year is boring. Indeed it is. Only went 2 houses today, collections ain't alot as well $100plus.. yea. Well okay better than nothing. I ought to be grateful i know. But still.. Nvm!

Maybe I shall head down to the gym tmr to do some excercise (: that's only if I'm not too lazy haha.

Shit #%%$^^# I'm serving this sun and truthfully, I find it a chore to serve. Sigh, maybe its too long I haven't been in touch with church and haven't been to church the past 2 weeks and kinda dreading to go now. I know yea, that shouldn't be the way But its kinda hard. oh wells nvm.

okayy i shall get back to my show (; goodnites everyone.

jacx (:

HELLO (:

hahaha; i think i'm like crazy over W35A or something, everyday there's something abt them. But I really can't stop thinking abt them luh. hahaha and this pic is awesomeeee. Cos... heh (: one of the best!

Anyway, Happy CNY everyone (: have fun collecting angbaos and eating non-stop till you all grow fat hahaha.

okayy so, reunion dinner wasn't that bad luh haha partly cos maybe it's at granny's house (mummy's side and I'm closer to them) But tmr daddy's side, i'm like a complete stranger luh and can't really converse with grandma cos she only speak malay and hokkien and obviously i dunno malay and i'm like a total noob at hokkien so kinda weird luh, i always stammer and stutter when I talk to her cos my sentences aren't even complete :/ LOL! and then again I bet they would surely think I'm unfillial or whattt, cos I don't even visit them. Not close whatttt? tsk! ahhhhh! nvm tmr will be over superduper fast (: But working tmr, if not for the double pay I wouldn't even consider working luh. Well gonna be a long day tmr :(

Oh yes! and after 49492494 days, I finally saw ethan just now. He's super cute luh haha and he seems to me like he's so old and smart alr. "HE KNOWS HOW TO EAT BY HIMSELF OKAYYYY!" i'm impressed (: haha and he made very retardedly spastic faces just now which I think it takes aft my genes heh.

YES! and i watched Goodluckchuck just now. Niceeee (: romantic luh! and jesicca alba is gorgeous please? HOT mann! if a girl can whooowheee over her what more a guy? hahahaha.

okayyy I'm off to bed alr, tomorrow have to wake up kinda early. Cya people (: Once again Happy CNY!

jacx(:

Hello(:

suppose to be watching Good Luck Chuck now & editting friendster photos, but its alr 336 am and i'm sleppyyyy :( so tmr.

and i shall be a good mummy's girl tmr by helping her vacuum the floor. Seeee evidence I'm so nice! hahaha

Msn is love tonight for a reason, he asked me (: heh!

And norman who usually chat with me till the wee hours of the morning has now gone to bed very early I say veryyyy veryyy earlyyy due to work and has to wake up at 630 so there's nobody to chat with me anymore :( plus daniel weeeeee has work and gf is always miaing, nick had disappeared too and vanda has sch and everyone around me has something here and there. NVM LOL nvm thennn I shall sleep earlier, cos HE also don't wanna talk to me :( FINE! hahaha

alrites, tmr is boring reunion dinner and I hate it, esp when you have to face all your relatives and all and they start questioning you. Boringggg! God save me. okies im off to bed for now. tata

jacx (:

Hello (:

"some things as we all know wouldn't work out, cos there's a possibility of it being impossible, even though both parties know some things between them are just working out fine, great and perfect. Then again, it may be my one sided opinion that it wouldn't work out, cos of many things and I choose to think that I don't"

Yesterday's work was goodness gracious me, the work itself is fine, nothing much to do anyway just the usual nervousness. From 530 to 1030, I can't believe it, 3 freaking tables, you people should have seen how bored I was. Nevertheless, however little the 3 tables may be, they made me nervous, cos it seems like rich people came to eat and were kind of snobbish, and one of the tables, was the boss of the restaurant who had a 5% share of the compnay. I was told to give every respect I could to him. So the captains were kind of picky, and I couldn't really understand what he was saying luh cos he was speaking in chinese all the time and speaking so softly. Blah blah blah, all this I still can tolerate, one thing I cannot tolerate is the China people wahhh! I could have died okay? I couldn't freaking understand what they were saying and half the time I went huh? Gosh! and me as the only Singaporean made it all worse, Myanmar, malaysians and China. Really communication breakdown. I think after the high pay of Chinese New year, I have thoughts of quitting. Anyway I have another place to work at, its just, wondering should I take up the job, cos the workplace looks kinda sleezy.

okay CNY is just round the corner, and I haven't done proper shopping. So maybe I'll head out to do so later and catch a movie and eat! cos the past few days, haven't been eating properly, all the 1 meal per day kinda thing. LOL yea, and CNY i dunno why it just spoils my mood okay esp those stupid chinese songs. @%@%%@%@ can die! Lastly, this hols, I'm gonna excercise haha this time is for real, I swear luh, as we all know those CNY food is gonna blow me up, so after CNY i'm gonna work out and if Nick sees this, he's gonna laugh cos I've been delaying our meetups for excercising and going out.

YES! afew more days till i meet them (: doubly excited! till then I love you people.

*out of all those people whom I haven't seen & contact for what seems like ages, I miss this person the most, But I guess in life, people come and people go. It's pretty sad and I've tried but it seems like I'm the only one who misses everything so I wish you all the best (:

jacx (:

Hello (:

didn't really feel like blogging for a period of time, but currently I'm having two & a half months of holidays whooo (: and suddenly had the urge to blog once again. Maybe I'm feeling something's a miss so blogging makes me feel better and I seriously do not have any idea why?

and like the subject of this post; indeed I can't deny that I'm happily living life as it is. I think I've currently reached a point in life, where I can no longer see or feel God, in other words backslide is the word? even when it comes to ministry, I don't feel happy? and all the issues abt church, family here and there is seriously shit. I guess I'm just living life day by day seeing how things occur every minute and I swear it isn't really pleasant.

Enough abt all these; it can't be solved in a day as well. On a lighter note, caught 27dresses just now with daniel, jack, vanda, jerome and cj. Its really a very nice show. Well that is if you enjoy romantic movies. Kinda touching, but seeing the film alr, I'm feeling emotional haha. Like when will "HE" come? Gosh! enough of being so emotional CNY's round the corner (:

But talking abt CNY, its pretty boring also luh. Anyway I've found myself a job, so I hope to work during CNY cos of the higher pay (:

okayy and its pretty sad no more class of W35A, its really such a great class much better than W34G I must admit. I swear! this class really rocks and I'm kinda attached to them, still long to Sakura and chalet, hope time passes by soon. I really missed them.

Okayyy, gotta go, its 157am and there's dance tmr which I haven't been going :/ so goodbye!

jacx(: